Primary School Teacher to Nurse!

"Are you going to Uni?"

Perhaps one of the most common questions you'll get asked in Sixth form, as well as the only question that seems to matter to your school. As a trained primary school teacher, I've learnt that schools are crazy about three things: money, progress and statistics. I had wanted to be a primary school teacher ever since I left primary school, my mind was set. I wanted to educate young minds and be an inspiration to the masses, the gardener of the mind, the baker of education to which children could delight in the food of knowledge!

How naive I was.

Truth was, at eighteen I didn't know what I wanted. My sixth form was in such a panic: APPLY TO UCAS! THE DEADLINE IS LOOMING! PERSONAL STATEMENTS, COME'ST TO US FOR GUIDANCE! Honestly, those who decided they did want to go to University suddenly realized they had a life time decision to make in the space of an academic year, a decision that will impact their life greatly. Were they advised to take time before jumping into an undergraduate degree they may regret?... I think you know the answer. How can a 17 year old, coming off the seemingly slow conveyor belt of mandatory education,  know what career they want? My teacher at school said it took her til her 40s to figure out she wanted to teach! To know what career you want means you must know WHO you are and what you want. This takes years to figure out, some may not figure it out at all! Teachers, mentors, whoever made it sound like University was the escalator to success and apprenticeships were the stairs. What absolute rubbish! Looking back on it, it seems to me those I know who went into apprenticeships had a firmer idea of what they wanted to accomplish than those of us who went to Uni to study arts degrees. My advice to anyone who is listening is to never jump into anything: you're not a failure for waiting til you figure it out.. if anything, you'll be smarter than the rest of us who just thought they should go to Uni because it "seemed like the right thing to do".

The funny thing is now looking back at it, I never saw myself as a sixth former who was confused. I saw others that were but I thought I was lucky. I thought I knew what I wanted. Yet, after studying two years of sociology I realised that I had a passion for it. In a way, I'd say it woke me up from a daze. Karl Marx helped me see inequality.. pretty much everywhere. My teacher knew how passionate I was when I was up for debate pretty much every time the word 'working class' was mentioned. I never pursued sociology because I was afraid of changing my mind. I was afraid I would make a mistake. I was afraid of wasting time. 

Oh the irony.

I ignored my doubts and managed to get into Roehampton University, a well-known University for Primary School Teachers. I was thrilled but in the back of my mind I was thinking '... is this what you really want?'. I truly didn't know. I was on and off about the whole idea of being a teacher. I believe it was because I did find something in doing my degree, and that was I love working with children. I truly do. I loved teaching and I loved children, it was just everything else that came with it. After completing my first year of Uni, I almost quit to transfer to Sociology... but I didn't. I didn't because when I looked at the job prospects there was no job that interested me. That's when I discovered on my journey to self-discovery that I loved Sociology, I loved learning Sociology.. I just didn't like jobs that meant being stuck in an office all day, or doing research or ... not being with children. That's when I decided to stay on my undergraduate degree; I found a piece of my puzzle. I had to be with children.

Fast forward to my third, final year of my undergraduate degree. I got an interview in a local school in my area to be a Primary School Teacher for Year 5s. "Fantastic!" I thought. When the headteacher offered me the job I was overjoyed. I loved working with children who were old enough to have opinions, or get my sarcasm. It was all set, I was going to be a teacher. Then I had my placement, my last.. final placement, where every idea of becoming a teacher started to drift away... along with my enthusiasm.

My placement lasted 3 months, and every day I went to placement along with this other student who drove us there. I'd wake up and wish I was dead. When taking that half an hour drive, with the radio in the background playing a upbeat 80s song, it was the only thing I tried to focus on so I could stop having suicidal thoughts. Everyday, for roughly 90 days, I would smile at the thought of getting hit by a car, so I could relax in a hospital bed and be distracted by physical pain rather than emotional pain I was struggling with each day. To miss a day of school.. I would daydream til the children came in.

Yeah, it was that bad.

It was an accumulation of many things, for one my mentor teacher made my life hell. Nothing was good enough. I'd slog my guts out, working 12 hour days, marking, planning, marking and planning. I realized that what I was doing... was what the rest of my class mates were doing too. "12 hours?!" one girl said to me. "I do 12 on a good day!". "Don't worry, at least teachers can relax on the weekends..." said nobody, ever. What I was doing was nothing out of the ordinary.

Suffice to say, I knew I couldn't live my life that way. Yes, I loved teaching to an extent, but I love children more. I want to make a difference in children's lives but I didn't want to sacrifice my own. I love working with vulnerable children, but at the end of the day I want to be involved in their lives where I can physically and emotionally help them..to use medical knowledge to save lives instead of telling them off because they hadn't learnt their spellings.

That's when I discovered I wanted to be a children's nurse. It was a thought that almost hit me on the head. I am not afraid of hard work - the fact I completed my teaching degree is evidence. I've worked 12 hours straight before, but most work I did at home. I wanted a job that gave me a mental break. A job where I could save lives and then switch off as soon as I left those doors. However, I want it to be known that I don't for a second believe nursing is easier than teaching; but it's certainly not harder. Both have their struggles, but the struggles of nursing suits me more as a person, than teaching ever could. With nursing, I can give children comfort, support, love and care. With teaching, it felt all I was giving them was commands, homework and support to progress.. because goodness knows the statistics will tell me if little Sam didn't get support. Whether it is teaching or nursing, they're will be ups and downs, bullying and bonding and leadership and breakdown... but I know this: I have never felt so happy, content and alive than I do training to be a nurse than when I was training to teach. I think I have finally found my vocation... just took me my undergraduate degree to find it.